“When it is darkest, men see the stars.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

"God is the Master of making miracles in the midst of messes" Joby Martin

During the Christmas break, teachers have that wonderful feeling that revolves around sleeping in, doing things(or not) on their own schedule, actually HAVING lunch rather than inhaling lunch as well as a list of other things. This break has be by far the least productive in my many years of teaching and the most hollow of vacations. Not sure why the angst of the season is so prevalent but I am ready for a change. Mind you, I am not ready to be back in my classroom just yet - and maybe that is the problem in and of itself - but also not ready to get my mind back in gear.

I would say on average, I have a good life. I have a job, a great daughter who is much more ambitious than I have ever been, and a house that is fine and knock on wood is not costing me an arm and a leg. I am active in my church, yet I seem to be more about the busy-ness of working/serving than I am in seeking God's wisdom which probably is why me and people like me have a gaping hole about them. Something is missing

"How's your prayer life?" is the question I get from those who also are active in my church. "It's more active than it use to be" is always my answer, but is that really an answer? Would I allow a student of mine to get away with an answer like that. The resounding answer is NO.

Today's sermon was about how Stephen is seen by the religious big wigs as being blasphemous against Moses and God. Not only was he not doing this, but others were leading these religious leaders to believe it as true - who'd a thought, people lied back in biblical times!

But God was working amongst this mess - He was working a plan and allowing those who did not live back in the day to recall their own forefathers' history:

Abraham - left his own homeland on the word of God to GO (though Abraham did not know to where)
Abraham - belief that he would have many descendants - though at 80 years of age did not have one child
Joseph (the one of the coat of many colors) - was put through the ringer - brothers hated him for be the one that daddy loved more so they sold him, he then was enslaved but because of his belief in God having a plan survived not only to live but to help his family live too even during a famine
Moses - given up by his mother in hopes that he may live rather than being killed to be brought up in the Pharaoh's house, educated and possibly lead Egypt until he decides to visit his fellow Israelites and ends up leading them out of enslavement but to parts unknown and for a long time - in the end, God had a plan of action. He needed all of this to occur for Moses to come face to face with him on the mountain.

This is all wonderful stuff, but geez, we are talking about big wigs of the bible. My name doesn't even show up in the bible. How is the mess that I have in my head any part of God's plan? Then as I procrastinated one more day from lesson planning and I chose to read my various social network feeds I came across the Emerson quote. Now I am wondering if I actually have fallen to the darkest part of my cognitive existence. Will I actually be able to see/feel God? How can I hit that fast forward button to see that everything will work out - at least for the glory of God rather than my own selfish wants or desires - at least I would know the end of the story and then not worry about the road I travel.

Which brings me back to that nagging question: How's your prayer life? Do you even choose to talk with God? The answer has been "No, I live in quiet solitude." The only time I talk to people is when I force myself to go out to the market or got shoot pictures. I seem to have lost (or misplaced) my gift of gab that I had oh so many years ago. I don't know how to get my mojo back.

How's your prayer life? Mine has been one of avoidance, but it is getting better. I think.

Today's photo shoot